It's time to go deep....... 9/365

So, here is my fortune from dinner last night. I always get the crappy ones. Everyone else got ones like: "Your dreams will come true tonight," "Plan for many pleasures ahead," "Good things are being said about your abilities," and "You will soon have a very pleasant experience." I am sure you can quickly figure out what we were all laughing about after we read these out loud..... Could there be a little more sexual innuendo here? Even mine said to "go deep." :)

I get up this morning and go outside..... and I hear a lawnmower going out in front of our house. Nothing unusual here, especially for a Saturday morning, but guess what? Our lawnmower is out of commission. We have been waiting on a part all week so no grass cutting for us ......as if I am really upset by this. :) I go to investigate and it is our neighbor from down the street, cutting the grass in front of our property. I waved at him and he stopped and said that he knew that our lawnmower was broken (he had been over at our house the night before and had seen the mower in 3000 pieces sitting in the garage) so since he was cutting the front of his property, he just went ahead and did ours too. Can you believe that? How many people are that nice to their neighbors. Of course.... there is also the fact that this particular neighbor, along with my dad, are the unofficial lawn police in the neighborhood. They are both neurotic about making sure their lawns are in tip-top shape. I guess he did not want our reputation to go south on us or anything..........

And I shall call him..... Triple F 7/365

I promised I would make chicken enchiladas for dinner yesterday so I had to stop at the grocery store on the way home to pick up a few ingredients. I am not a fan of going to the grocery store, especially when I am in a hurry. What is up with these people that bring every member of their extended family and then they all stand around blocking the aisles with these deranged looks on their faces like they have never seen food before? These people better get the hell out of my way. I am on a mission and I will run you over. Actually, I am too polite.... I would never actually run anyone over without nicely asking them to move it first.

Before I even made it to the store, I had to stop at the library to pick up some books that I had requested. I made the big mistake of arriving right as pre-school story hour was getting out. There was a very long line at the checkout and of course each kid had 20-30 books and some even had 20-30 books on tape which of course takes forever because the librarians have to carefully examine each tape and write their initials on the little checkout label.

As I am waiting in line, this mother and son come up behind me in line and the little boy, who was maybe 2 or 3, starts swinging on the dividing chain which of course starts whacking everybody standing in line in the legs. His mother gets all bent out of shape and starts yelling "Fielding Farwell Fitzpatrickl! Stop that now" The kids name was Fielding Farwell Fitzpatrick! OMFG!!! I just knew this kid was going to be a pain in the ass.
During the time that Fielding was standing in line, he managed to kick and scratch his mother, lift up some poor woman's skirt, knock the divider over, tear a page in a book, and just be a real pest. The worst part was hearing his mother say his name over and over. "Fielding! Fielding! If you don't straighten up right now , you are not going to get a treat." Oh my God shoot me now!!!

So I finally escape Fielding and make it to the store. I was halfway through my shopping when I hear it in the distance... Fielding!..... Fielding!..... I look up and see the devil child himself running towards me with this big ass frosted doughnut in his hands. Just what the kid needs.... SUGAR!!!! He runs right up to me and grabs me around the legs. His mother marches up to us and snatches him up and throws him in the basket. I look down and there is pink frosting all over my pants. I now hate Fielding Farwell Fitzpatrick. Arghhhhhhhh! His mother does not even apologize, which does not really surprise me. With a mother like that, I would hate to see what precious little Fielding is going to be like in a few years when he starts school. I really do feel sorry for teachers sometimes.



Should I be afraid? No Mas!!! Ha! My little dogs hate clothes and I have never put one of them in my purse! Please!!! Well, maybe I lied.... I am guilty of making them wear Halloween costumes....does that count?

"I'd like mornings better if they started later" ---author unknown 7/365

I am just not programmed to be an early riser..... perhaps if I could ever manage to get to bed at a decent hour, I might be a little more receptive to the idea of getting up early. Somehow I don't see that happening anytime soon.

It's not that I don't like early mornings. It is actually my favorite time of the day if I am awake to enjoy it. I love fixing a nice breakfast....sitting on the patio enjoying the sunrise....dew on the ground....peace ...quiet....the sound of birds chirping in the trees... Love it!! Not to mention how much more productive you seem to be when you get an early start. Maybe I should start making an effort.....

A weird thing happened on the way to work this morning. I am sitting first in line at the light, waiting to get onto I-10. This big semi/dump truck/ very "long" thing with lots o'wheels has just come off the off ramp and is turning to the right. He makes the turn but his back two wheels (connected together by an axle) keep going straight without him and pass just inches from the front of my truck. These were some big wheels! To top it off, this guy had just started crossing the intersection and thank goodness he looked up because the wheels were coming right at him. He hauls ass across the street and we all look in in horror and amazement as the wheels keep moving on and come to a stop just a few feet away from the Flying J truck stop propane tank. Weird!!!!!! It was like it happened in slow motion or something. After my light turned green, I waved at the guy who had been crossing the street and he just smiled and shook his head. I guess we were all lucky on that one, except for the guy who lost his wheels.

Snip...Snip...6/365

I get my hair cut at a salon 2-3 times a year. Luckily, the hair style that I have does not need to be trimmed every 4-6 weeks to keep it looking good. I use the "professional" cut as a guide for in between trims that I do myself which works out pretty well because 1. I never seem to have time to get to the hair salon and my stylist requires what seems like a 3 week in advance appointment and 2. No way am I going to pay $75 for a haircut every month. You men don't know how lucky you have it. You can get away with a $15 cut.....women can't.
So, yesterday after I finished my trim, I looked down and saw this "face" in the trash where I had dropped the hair. This is exactly how the hair landed. For a moment, I was afraid that it was some kind of sign that I had really screwed up my hair and that this was going to be the look on my face when I saw how the trim had turned out. The cut actually turned out pretty good although I am a little concerned at how long that piece of hair that forms the nose is. Crap! I did not think I had cut off that much!!!

I saw this the other day and I got a good laugh. The sad part is that I know people who would do this kind of stuff. Hah! Hah!

All he needed was some Slim Jims and some Corn Nuts. 4/365

I have decided to do the daily blog topic suggestion to get going for today's post since I am sleepy and am out of ideas. Today's topic is "What is on your nightstand?"...... here it is folks.... my nightstand..... don't pass out from all the excitement now. :)

I stopped by Target last night to pick up some shampoo since I was running low and as we all know, no trip to Target is ever complete without some strange incident. This particular Target has about 30 registers and there are never more than 3 open at a time. So here I am standing there with my hands full of shampoo, conditioner, gum, some scotch tape, and a birthday card that I have got to remember to mail on Monday, waiting in the line from hell. The guy standing behind me kept getting closer and closer until I could actually feel him breathing on me. I kind of half turned around to give a "back off buddy" look and I realized quickly that this was a huge mistake because he took it as a sign that I wanted to start up some kind of conversation with him. He was probably in his 30's or early 40's and he looked and smelled (beer & sweat) like he had just crawled in off the back 40. He had the entire look going for him....stained wifebeater that may have been white at one point, tight wranglers with the dip can outline on the pocket, multiple tattoos, sweat stained baseball cap, and you know what is coming up next...... a 94 pack of beer...the cheap stuff.
Actual conversation: Him- "Looks like you got you some fancy shampoo there."
Me-"Um-yeah"
Him-"You have a lot of hair. Is that why ya got two bottles?"
Me- "Um no, this is conditioner."
Him-"I would never let my wife buy fancy stuff fer her hair. I jist buy the cheap stuff for the wife and kids. Never spend more than 99 cents a bottle. That's all she is gonna git."
Me- "Must suck to be your wife then." Ok, so I really did not say that. I did mention something about forgetting an item on my list and then trying to get around him.
Him- "You want me to hold your stuff while you go get it?"
Me-"Um.. (hell!) No!!! But thanks for offering! (scurries away quickly.....)

It's Not Easy Being Green 2/365

So, Earth week is over.... Has the general public really learned anything? Probably not....... I try to do my part and there is definitely tons more that I could do but sometimes... I am just lazy and in a hurry....period. Hey! I am just being honest. I do feel badly about it and I am trying to make changes. I was raised in a generation of wasters. What else do you expect from the "juice box" generation? Everything is marketed towards convenience....individual serving sizes (Imagine just how much trash those 100 calorie packs are contributing to. Buy in bulk people!), water bottles, baggies, excessive paper towel use (oh wait, this is all stuff that I am guilty of), the list goes on and on....... Anyway, I have been trying to make some little changes that will hopefully make a difference..... So, at work this week, a certain head honcho who will remain nameless decided to celebrate Earth Day in a special way.......by turning out the lights for two hours and making us work in the dark! WTH? At 3 o'clock, all the lights went out on the first floor, just the first floor...... apparently it was just too much to ask the students in the classrooms on the second and third floors to participate. This little celebratory observance lasted for two hours. Hoo-Rah!!! Why not start a recycling program for all the paper people waste here....or perhaps a place for students to put their soda cans and bottles. I am at a loss of words to describe this little incident. What else do you expect from the land of education?

Buh-bye! 1/365

Ah, America's Next Top Model. Still love that show after all these years. "Spokesmodels don't say Fuck." Good one Mr. J.---- Best line yet. Just might have to use that one myself sometime. So, my girl Lauren is gone. She was kinda getting on my nerves though.... nobody can be that awkward... can they? Oh well....



Notice in the video how they don't show more than a few seconds of her walk...that is because is always on the verge of falling down. Most men can do a better walk in high heels than she could. Poor girl! She did take good photos though.