Thursday, January 31, 2008

Excuse Me.... Wasn't There Supposed To Be An Instruction Manual Included With This Life? I Think I Lost Mine.

You wake up one day and you are like.... "Damn! How can it be that I am 38 years old and I am still single. How did I let this happen???" I really thought I would be married by now. If someone had told me in high school that I would still be single at this age, I would have laughed in their face. I am not un-attractive, everyone always tells me I am funny and that they like hanging around me, I am a fairly good flirt, and I like to think I am a nice person. I don't have problems getting dates and I definitely like men, so what seems to be the problem? I know that I am a little too picky and maybe I should just settle for something a little less than I am searching for but I just can't. I am not a "settler", I want to be happy and I only want to do this one time. I want my marriage to last.

People are always asking me .... Other person: "Do you have any children?" Me: "Umm, no." ....Somehow in my mind, marriage should come before children, but I don't bother getting into this argument because I don't want to offend them if they had kids out of wedlock... which seems to be the norm these days. "Are you married?" "No.." "Divorced?" " No!!!" ......They are usually starting to piss me off by this point . "Well then, why is a nice girl like you still single? "Just have not found the right guy I guess" .....Now back off and move onto another subject will you? "Oh, well my cousin Larry is a wonderful guy, I should introduce you .... Arggghhhhh!

When I was 10 or 11 years old, I announced to my grandparents (in a parking lot of a Tom Thumb Supermarket of all places!) that I was going to be married to my 6th grade boyfriend, Ronnie Moore, by the age of 23 and that we were going to have 4 kids and live happily ever after, blah blah blah. I can still see the expressions on their faces when I dropped this bomb. They both told me that they did not think this was a good idea, and started listing various reasons (see the world first! 23 is way too young! You need to experience life first! What, are you crazy kid?) which of course made me very angry (I was a very dramatic child) and I may have (ok ,I did) pitched a fit right there in the Tom Thumb parking lot. I think they may have put a silent curse on me that day because Ronnie and I broke up a short while later. I found out a few years ago that he had died of a drug overdose in college. He was probably cursed too. He should have stuck with me.
My list of "ideals" in a marriage partner is not too complicated and I have found several guys that have "almost" fit the bill, but something was just missing. I don't believe that there is just one person out there for you. I think that a lot of people out there can make you happy.... you just have to find one of them.

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