Good Girls Don't

I was in Macy's trying on some jeans yesterday when I noticed that there was something heavy in one of the pockets. I cautiously peeked inside an pulled out a damaged sensor tag and over 20 price tags and labels. All together I was looking at the price tags of almost a $1,000 of merchandise. Having worked in retail I also knew that I was looking at the remnants of almost $1,000 of STOLEN merchandise. This kind of crap just floors me. The nerve of the person that did this!!!! First of all, nothing like this is worth going to jail over. Nobody needs a pair of Calvin Klein jeans that badly. Second of all, didn't their parents teach them right from wrong? Probably not. I am no perfect angel but I can honestly say that I have never actually stolen anything in my life... well, there are two exceptions...... but they don't really count... at least I tell myself that. When I was 6 years old I stole a Weeble from a Sears. Yes, you read that right. A Weeble. You don't know what a Weeble is? Here, let me refresh your memory. Weebles!!! Ha! I stole a Weeble!!! It was out of the package and just sitting there on the floor near the power tools so I just took it upon myself to liberate it and give it a good home. I remember my mom asking me what I had in my hand and of course my 6 year old answer was "Nothing!!" When she found out what it was she made me take it all the way back to where I found it and then I had to apologize to the salesman for taking it. This whole incident set me on the straight and narrow until I was in high school and I stole a chocolate Swatch. Yep, a chocolate Swatch. As in a Swatch Watch. I worked at the Swatch counter at Foley's when I was 16 and I thought I was too cool. Swatches were the major thing back in the late 80's and if you wanted to buy one from Foley's in San Antonio back in 1986, you had to buy it from me since I of course was a certified Swatch expert.. They were having some kind of promotion where you got a chocolate Swatch as a gift with purchase and we had boxes and boxes of them. I had a supervisor that I was totally in love with and in the middle of some intense flirting in the stockroom told me I could have one. How could I say no?? That was some really good chocolate!!! A few more may have disappeared into our stomachs as the weeks went on and finally we got a memo from some head honcho that said if anybody caught giving away the chocolate swatches without a purchase or eating one without buying a Swatch would be written up. That was the end of my life of crime.